Berry Business are posts that I share about my life or my own opinion on things that are happening in the real world. I do not have comments open because I am used to having other people tell me my opinion is “wrong” or that I do not deserve to have one at all, so to not play into trauma, I am making it where I can just express my own opinion on my own blog. Find me on social media, if you want to have a discussion.
The last time I posted was in March of this year. It is now July of this year. What has happened in like 5 months of life? I am not at the same job any more and just about to go to a new one starting next week. I feel like so much in my life has changed mentally. This post may feel like a bit of TMI. If you are not comfortable with sexual related conversations or healthcare conversations, I would skip this post. Let me start with the biggest thing…
I found out that I have low testosterone. A typical male should have testosterone levels that are above 300, mine was at 150 the first time and then 250 the second time. You have to have this checked twice and it was recommended before a certain time of day (I had them done at 7:30 AM). This caused my doctor to prescribe to me testosterone shots to get my levels up, as some of my medical issues may actually be caused by those levels being lowered. I am on those shots twice a month or basically I take it every two weeks. Many days I feel like I am going through a weird “second puberty”.
Puberty… That is another weird conversation for me right now. I had a genetic test done several months later and one of the findings was that I likely had “late onset puberty”. this means that basically I probably started puberty very late. This next part is going to be A LOT OF TMI. The doctor when she prescribed the testosterone shots told me that I would get “morning erections” like I got in my teen years. I was genuinely confused by this because I never got this. I never had them. I was taken a bit aback whens he said it and even said “I never had those” and genuinely meant it. There are things that are happening as a result of the shots that I am recognizing possibly mean that I never fully went through initial puberty. I never had much of a libido for anything, now I am starting to understand why that was a thing. It has been weird as I feel like my brain is starting to change as a result. I am looking at starting to go to a sex therapist, which I never thought I would consider, but a lot of this has impacted my mental health again.
I am also now on ADHD medication, which has helped my brain to process and focus differently. I am finding it beneficial on some days, but I am noticing a weird side effect with needing to sleep more and feeling like I am a zombie. Very strange, but it is the truth of what is going on.
Outside of all this, I have noticed I am not reading as much. I feel like I am in a weird place with life right now. I am trying to figure out where I should and what I should be doing in life. I stopped blogging because my focus of life feels like it is in such a different place and I think there is a lot of this that I need to do with a therapist. I feel like having a therapist will help me greatly. I want to get back to blogging though, but I have considered because of the journey I am currently going on moving this to a more “adult” blog because a lot of the testosterone journey and things happening right now do not feel like a fun and fancy-free “reading” blog type of thing. I still have a lot of decisions with this to do. I would like to review different types of books as well. I have been looking at different types of books. I feel like I am weirdly becoming an “adult” at 45 years old. It is a strange feeling. I am going to try to post a bit more often, but I am not sure what that will look like at this time. I also do not know what the images I will use will look like cause I feel less “cutesy” and more “adult” “masc” or “male”. I am feeling more like I am moving towards what I could have been if I had actually understood what was going on with me medically.
