Berry Business are posts that I share about my life or my own opinion on things that are happening in the real world. I do not have comments open because I am used to having other people tell me my opinion is “wrong” or that I do not deserve to have one at all, so to not play into trauma, I am making it where I can just express my own opinion on my own blog. Find me on social media, if you want to have a discussion.
Wow, it has been almost 2 months since I posted on this blog. I have been in so many changes in my life. I resigned from my current employment and tomorrow is literally my last day there. This was a job that I originally thought could be a forever job, but it ended up being not that. I want to be professional and just say it was simply an incorrect fit.
Also during this time, I turned in my notice around the time of the last blog post before this one, I had ankle surgery. They had to remove part of an extra piece of bone. When they were in there to do that they found that my distal fibula was eroded and had to remove a large chunk of this. I have been using a wheelchair to get around my current job because of how large the building is and just moved to crutches this week. I am now also able to drive. There has been a lot going on medically and I have felt overwhelmed.
I am still reading, but a lot less than I was. I find myself largely wanting to watch sitcom television and sit in front of the television becoming numb. I was depressed a few weeks ago and I recognize that I was definitely feeling a darkness that I had not felt in some time. I have been able to change my mentality, but I think this is because I knew I was changing some key needed things in my life. I am working towards making the positive changes that I need to do in order to be happy. It does mean leaving people and things behind that I thought were going to always have a stronger part of my life, but I am recognizing that it is needed to truly be the happiest version of myself that I can be. This darkness that I allude to is the ultimate darkness that one can get to when they enter into a depressive state. I allowed other people to know and I kept telling and reminding myself that there were many changes coming up. This has helped me to push through.
I want to get back to doing what I love and that is reading and recording what I am doing in terms of creativity and media. This is going to come soon. I just need a bit more time to adjust to the changes that are happening. I need a bit more time to also heal from the surgery, but I am not dead. I am still very much alive and healing. I am improving everything single day.
