On 11/21/2025, I went to a medical appointment during my work day. When I arrived and began trying to speak to my doctor my words were not there. I could not find them. As I am writing this, they still have not returned fully. I have parts of my brain that feel foggy and words are not 100% findable still. Parts of my memory feel wiped out and recall is hard to do fully. I was trying to tell my provider what symptoms I was having. I could tell something was going on, so I became tearful in nature. She sat beside me and told me that I sound like I am potentially having a stroke. She was concerned about slurred speech and blurry vision. She was concerned about me driving, but she allowed me to leave to go to the hospital. I realized I shouldn’t drive so I called roommate. Roommate came and drove me to hospital. There originally they were confused because I presented as unable to speak and recall some information, but was able at other times to talk fully without issue. I have gotten a lot of lab work back, which points heavily to autoimmune and inflammatory markers. It has been a lot, as anyone reading this could imagine.
The medical field has frustrated me more than I can even express in the last 5 years. I keep trying to work with doctors and explaining what I have been told, but every time I do the doctor argues with me or acts like I am trying to make my condition worse than it is. I am just stating what is happening to me. I am just stating what I am told. I am just trying to survive with a condition that I feel is still a medical mystery to me. I keep getting sicker, but no one seems to give a flying f about it. I am not even angry, but I am sad. I am extremely sad about where I am at with my medical history. Medical providers say I am anxious or have anxiety, which as a person that has been a mental health professional I understand anxiety. I am not feeling anxious, I am feeling an overwhelming amount of sadness for myself. For the journey I have been on in this life. I have been through a lot and I am just sad that now I have these medical related issues. That is where I am currently. I am going to try to catch up on my journal prompts because I had been doing them starting on Fridays and over the weekend, but I obviously did not get to do that this weekend so I am a bit behind.
